She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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