yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
