oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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