If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
