I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
