they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
