When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
