She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
