DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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