You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
