are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
