This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
How external is "for external use only"?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.