That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!