Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask