mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.