8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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