How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
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I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
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I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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