the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
