Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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