i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
