UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
