batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
