Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
