if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
