Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
