Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
