I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
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