we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
