its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
someone threw a dead crab at me
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
