Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
