My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
