3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
