This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Randomize
