I didn't shave. On purpose
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I need to sanitize my soul.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
