I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
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we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize