when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
