Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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