4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
