Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
