I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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