using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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