My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
