And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
