Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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