dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
