Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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