did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
