I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
