i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Are my feet made of real feet?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
