The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
