Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
