Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
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I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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