shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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