how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
he was CRYING into my vagina
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
