I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
