I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
