Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
She has the best kind of daddy issues
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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