i just had sex bonerless
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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