Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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