yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
