alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
