Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
