Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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