would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
