I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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