I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
