Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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