I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
