I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
