the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
