My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
