Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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