there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Randomize