I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
