If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
