good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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