So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Randomize
