i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
