sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
