Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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