4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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