Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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