At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
