spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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