I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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