I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
